‘For everything there is a season; and a time for every matter under the sun’…..
Cloudy seasons come and go; we never know for how long they will hover. They touch us and grow us in ways that we cannot comprehend when they start. They are precious and necessary seasons that we often want to flee from; they can be painful and sometimes dark. We forget that amid these cloudy seasons, rays of sun boldly push through, calling to us; beckoning us to grasp hold and use them as inspiration to carry on.
I have been involved in the Boerboel breed for over a decade. The beginning was rough, taking many years and many different Boerboels to establish our foundation. Throughout the years the cloudy seasons have come and gone, but THIS season, this very cloudy season seems different. It’s HARD and yet the rays of sun are there, calling out to carry on.
Maybe it seems harder due to the numerous losses in a short period of time. Maybe it’s because those losses impact years of planning, hopes and dreams. Maybe it’s because the 4-legged losses have been accompanied by 2-legged losses and diagnoses of terminal illnesses.
The months have melded into each other since November when our incredible Nzuri became ill and passed away. I was so hopeful that he would make it to his 10th birthday, but he couldn’t hold on and we lost him just a few weeks shy. Nzuri taught us some very incredible lessons with this breed. He was our first male and he challenged us in ways that shaped our ability to guide others. He LOVED meeting new people, but the amount of attention allowed to be given was strictly on his terms. Words we often heard people say when meeting him were ‘majestic’ ‘incredible’ ‘intimidating’……….and he was truly all those things. He was also incredibly silly, jumping around and playing tug like a puppy right to the end; he LOVED all ‘his girls’ and watched over them like a lion watches his pride. He also knew that there were times when the girls ruled, and he humbly bowed down. He was our cornerstone. Our main man. There will never be another Nzuri.
Also, in November, with great anticipation and excitement, a breeding was done that would produce something I had been dreaming about for years. Our beautiful Tomi girl was bred via artificial insemination to a very handsome brindle boy. Within five days, it was evident that this would not be a ‘normal’ pregnancy, but Tomi was her usual happy self, eating with gusto and bouncing around. We confirmed pregnancy four weeks later, but her body was fighting it. Even so, I allowed myself to dream of a whelping box filled with adorable stripy babies. As we drew close to whelping time, it was confirmed that she had reabsorbed her pups and I grieved for them as if they had already been here and then lost. With the only explanation being that Tomi’s body could not handle the chemical additives in the semen extender, we started her on natural regimes of detoxing. It seemed hopeful for a few weeks, and then it happened……
It feels so unfair. There is no reason in my mind for it. She was too young to go, especially due to something that I wanted. I wanted that breeding so badly. I wanted lots of little Tomi’s running around and now she’s gone too. These are things that make breeders who care want to quit. These are the things that wrench our hearts. They are not just dogs, they are family. They are not bound to a life in a kennel; they curl up on our feet to watch TV and snuggle so tightly at times that it seems we are one.
In the same weeks, our young, bouncy, energy filled Ryker joined our pack. His owner’s energy waned as terminal illness creeped in, leaving him unable to care for his beloved boy. Ryker was his world, he had no family, just his dog. In January, Ryker was recognized by AKC judges, giving him major points at his first show. I sent off the win pictures to his owner and the rays of sun pierced through his cloudy world for the last few days of his life.
At that same show, more sun rays pushed through when my beautiful Viper girl was also awarded her first major points. This girl makes my heart sing. She is a ray of sunshine in and of herself. Her happy personality is evident to everyone. The judge looked at me and said, ‘she is the life of the party, isn’t she?’ YES, YES SHE IS. My personal ray of sunshine.
Mama Jo…..oh Jo, my beautiful foundation girl. Not our first, but the first we bred with. I will never forget that first litter. I was so nervous. I had assisted our lab with her litters, but this was different. Years of looking forward to it, with a waiting list of buyers anticipating the arrival of baby Boerboels. Jo was amazing and all my worry was for naught. Over her 9+ years of life, she has proved to be and incredible steady, alpha female. She has grown our pack into what it is with her perfect balance of being tough and gentle. In December, she developed a mass in her mammary tissue. It grew rapidly and with fear in my heart we had it removed. She came through surgery wonderfully and is back to her bouncy self. A ray of sun pushed its way through the clouds and said ‘today, the clouds are being parted, even for just a little while’.
Then just a few weeks ago, a sun ray direct from The 144th Annual Westminster Dog Show, shown bright as one of our beautiful Mama Jo daughters was awarded Best of Breed. Beautifully timed and much needed encouragement.
We are now in February…….do I feel that this current cloudy season is over? I don’t. My work is to care for those in the end of their lives, along with aging and terminal family members, so I feel that this season will go on a bit longer. BUT with the Lord, my beautiful family and dear friends in my life, I am looking forward to the rays of sun that will continue to burst through during this cloudy season.
I pray that for whoever is reading this, you will remember that even when it’s cloudy, the sun is trying to push through. Allow it to pierce the darkness that you feel and remember that it’s only ‘for a season’.
AND….always, always, share those rays of sun. For when you share a ray of sun with someone who needs it, the rays that shine on you feel warmer and brighter.